WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. — Jim Crane should have arrived at the Astros’ Thursday press conference wearing a suit jacket covered with dollar signs and opened it to reveal a lining with the $50 million-ish that winning the 2017 World Series was worth to the franchise.
“It was the Wild West of tech and we were best at it because we removed any moral compass when it came to rules and decency and we won a World Series because of it and earned all this cash, and we are giving neither back nor are we apologizing. Crane out.”
That at least would have been sincere rather than the contrition performance art put on by the Astros owner and those remaining from the tainted 2017 squad. They all met Wednesday night to plan what to say when meeting reporters en masse Thursday for the first time since revelations began to come out last November that they are among the worst cheaters in baseball history.
They emerged sticking to a crisis management-approved script better than any actor in “Parasite.” Well, except when Crane said, “Our opinion is (illegal sign stealing) didn’t impact the game” and then less than a minute later, responded, “Well, I didn’t say it…